I just had one of those juicy burps that leaves your throat burning and mouth tasting like bile. Nasty. My house is very quiet. The kids are in bed. No pets to wander the house. Just me. Me and Quiet. I love my Me and Quiet time. Me and Quiet time refreshes me. It gives me processing time. Six months ago most of my processing time was spent at my best friends' house talking out all the strange thoughts of my mind and goings on in my life. I confided in her for redirection when irrational fears kept me in dark hiding places, frozen in place. My dark hiding places aren't so hard to find now. I have them now not by choice, but here they are nonetheless. Irrational fears are here too. Have they kept me home these 10 adult years, or has that been the will of a Sovereign Deity? Was it a brave and courageous thing to move two states away, or am I a stronger version of my frail little girl self? Frail little girl self. Fourth child carrying little scared child. Is it everyone that freezes when faced with their frailty? Is it easier for others to realize their redeemed selves in the power of the cross? Does mercy flow easily from the mouths of others? Is my negativity a pariah? Is it conquerable? Is there a purpose other than 'I'm here' that eludes me? The reconciliation that was brought to humanity via the rugged, barbaric cross, that salvation and reconciliation, is it easier for others to wear as their armor? What hasn't He fixed in order to stare so long? Is my faith what's lacking? Perhaps I should be able to conjure up the mighty faith of Abraham to walk into the unknown unafraid. Weak little Christian girl. Christ's redeemed pearl of great price.
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